I'm confused about how I feel about Chris Brown.

I recently read some anti-Chris Brown playing the Grammy posts, most notably I'm Not Okay With Chris Brown Performing at the Grammys and I'm Not Sure Why You Are on Hello Giggles. I can't say I disagree with anything stated in the article, because I really don't. The article is mostly on-point. But my retort to this question is "Why Do We Care So Much About Chris Brown But None of the Other Domestic Violence Perpetrators in Hollywood?"

I'm not going to be presumptuous and assume that the author doesn't care about those things, because I am certain she does, so the question really is aimed at white-bred feminism at large. Why does Chris Brown particularly offend us so much, and yet I have witnessed people laugh at and take someone like Charlie Sheen with a grain of salt? They'll deride Chris Brown and yet use the word "Winning!", the proud proclamation of an addict and misogynist who shows, in my opinion, way less mournfulness over his actions than Chris Brown (but I guess it's difficult to measure less than zero).

Is it because the victim, Rihanna, is so high profile? Is it because we like her music so much, while Brooke Mueller mostly resembles what privilege looks like in our society? Is it his age? Or maybe the fact that Chris Brown is a man of color?

I am not running out and saying people who think Chris Brown shouldn't be performing on the Grammys are racist. Not in the slightest. I do not want to be mistaken as apologizing for his behavior. But I think as a group we need to look at who we forgive using our consumer power and who we choose not to forgive. What both Chris Brown and Charlie Sheen did (oh and Christian Bale and Alec Baldwin and other people who have been connected to domestic violence have done) is not forgivable.

But the facts speak for themselves. Black men are criminalized without batting an eyelash in this country, while many of us question whether someone like Julian Assange is capable of rape because he is such a Valuable Person Who Contributed Valuable Things.

Truthfully, I do find it despicable that he is playing the Grammys, especially considering the connection the Grammys have to the altercation with Rihanna. I find it despicable that most of these men have careers in the public eye and are celebrated as people to look up to. Heros, even. I'm confused though about where our derision towards him is rooted from. I worry that sometimes a bit of it is a chunk of unchecked privilege and unaccounted for systemic racism that really criminalized Chris Brown even before he did this terrible, unforgivable thing.

I'm not leaving this post with a solution or even an answer to my own question. I'm just throwing this idea out there. With the way the criminalization of black men looks to me like a modern day version of slavery, as a white woman, I feel like I need to be more aware of where my feelings come from in situations like this. I don't see that discussion happening in the blogosphere.

The war on empathy: Reflections on Bin Laden's death

Believe me, I have plenty of other things I could be writing right now. Finals, for one. I could be writing about groups I've run, counter-transference, cognitive behavioral therapy, attachment theory. And I've made an honest effort today, but it's hard for me to shake what is going on in the world out of my mind.

It's times like this that convince me that this empathic streak is a curse rather than a blessing. Why do I feel mournful rather than jubilant over the death of someone who represents the deaths of thousands and a fearful paradigm shift in our country?

Death is death is death is death is death. It's never positive. It's never a victory. Osama Bin Laden dying does not bring any closure for me any more than it brings home any troops from overseas. Bin Laden is just another dead body in the war on terror.

And that's what upsets me so much. The man wasn't considered a threat anymore, and his body is simply a symbol of revenge. I understand and appreciate and honor that many people do probably feel closure or safer after this event, but I find our collective response troubling.

Pamela Gerloff put it best in her Huffington Post piece titled The Psychology of Revenge: Why We Should Stop Celebrating Osama Bin Laden's Death.

"Celebrating" the killing of any member of our species -- for example, by chanting "USA! USA!" and singing "The Star Spangled Banner" outside the White House or jubilantly demonstrating in the streets -- is a violation of human dignity. Regardless of the perceived degree of "good" or "evil" in any of us, we are all, each of us, human. To celebrate the killing of a life, any life, is a failure to honor life's inherent sanctity.

Plenty of people will argue that Osama bin Laden did not respect the sanctity of others' lives. But I say, "So what?" What makes us human is our ability to choose our own behavior. More specifically, it is our capacity to return good for evil, love for hate, dignity for indignity. While some consider Osama bin Laden to have been the personification of evil, he was nonetheless a human being.

Here's where it gets further complicated for me: I don't see how celebrating his death in this manner is doing anything except contributing to the same culture and mindset that led Bin Laden and all other nationalistic mass-murderers to do what they have done and will continue to do.

Until we can, as a society, learn how to become sobered by these experiences and learn how to respect all life, and thus respect all deaths with equal sanctity, these cycles of violence will continue. We will find ourselves in the very same position we are today, and it's not a healthy one. We are not a better people with Osama Bin Laden dead, and the events of 9/11 are not undone. We can, however, prevent these kinds of attacks in the future from happening again (which I feel would be the real honor and the real way those who have fallen can rest in peace) by fostering a world where any and all violence (government ordered or not) is mourned and all human life is dignified.